Be In The Position To Make Me Feel So....

I believe that I've found the perfect balance between self-esteem and confidence. It's not too little where I constantly seek out my imperfections, but it's not too much where I am vain and narcissistic. I'm at a point where I accept who I am, flaws and all, and I'm proud of myself for FINALLY getting to this point. It's been a journey. To be accepted by others, but to never really accept myself.

I was never the girl to be picked on in school. For the most part, I was always hung with the "popular" kids and kept a close-knit group of friends. I noticed at a young age however, that I began to compare myself to other girls. Jessica had a perm, so I wanted one too. Nicole was going through "changes," what the hell was wrong with my body? Taylor had 100 Barbie Dolls, so I wanted 150. As if it wasn't bad enough I was comparing myself physically, and I was slowly becoming materialistic which was only compounded in middle school. I joined a group of friends who wore all of the popular name brands at the time- Guess, Coogi, DKNY, Coach, etc. Their parents lived in expensive neighborhoods, and/or worked at Fortune 500 companies. I was just a girl from a hardworking, blue-collar family on the westside of Detroit. So....I became obsessed. I HAD to shop in Hudson's (now Macy's), I HAD to wear only designer clothing, I HAD to look like them. Not because they wanted me too, but because I chose to. In the end, I still wasn't happy. I never was satisfied. I never had enough, and selfishly, I put my parents through the ordeal because they were ones who gave me the money to live a lifestyle that was beyond our means.



Luckily I enrolled in a high school that required uniform, so the clothing obsession went out the window. Consequently, a lot of things went out the window because my family got hit hard financially. My new obsession was to do any and everything to get into the top school in Michigan, earn my degree, get a high-paying job, and help my family.




I came into college still in an awkward stage, but this time, I did not change who I was to blend in. And in the end, it worked. I found an AMAZING group of friends. Ones who loved me for who I am....caterpillar eyebrows, K-Swiss, and all (inside joke.)





At 23, I feel GREAT. Do I still look in the mirror and see my imperfectios? Yes, I'm human and who's perfect? But I'm happy with the woman that I turned out to be. I'm still growing, and I'm still finding out new things about myself. I noticed a change in my taste, the way I walk, the way I dress, the way I think- and I love it. Yup.


Let me go before I climb on my desk and start singing "I'm Every Woman" at work.