Cuz I Just Heard Some Real Bad News

I make it a point to somehow stay on top of the news and other happenings in the world. If it's not reading CNN or Freep on the computer or my cell, it's watching the news after I get off work. It is a bittersweet thing though. As I stated before, I love learning new things and the news is a great outlet for that. On the other hand, I just don't like the news. It sounds very contradictory, but I'm not about to write a diatribe of how "FOX is Lucifer" or "the news is full of propaganda, and is a structure created to manipulate and control our minds!!!!!"

*sigh*

No. I just don't like the news, but I feel it necessary to be educated on what's going on around me. If that doesn't make sense, let me give you an example. As an urban planning graduate student, I'm required to take a variety of courses related to neighborhood development, community development, crime in the cities, urban design-courses that I am DYING to take. Nevertheless, there are those good ol' prerequisites: economics, statistics, law, and planning theory -the courses that will KILL me. While I am literally dreading beginning my prereqs in September, they are necessary to take because they are the foundation of urban planning. It's that age old complaint of "I don't wanna do it, but I have to." Might as well toss work under that category too.

ANYWHO, every now and then, I luck up on articles that really capture my attention and incorporate things that I'm really passionate about. For instance, check out the video and article I found on CNN.com:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/07/28/new.york.essence.magazine/index.html

Aside from the fact that Anderson Cooper is in the video (#swoon), it managed to discuss two things that I love- fashion and race. Well fashion wasn't a really big focus, but it was nonetheless part of the issue seeing that the Essence Magazine editor is under fire for hiring a white fashion director. Before reading the article, my initial reaction was that of disappointment. I am an avid Essence reader, I know the history of the magazine very well, and it's difficult to accept that someone who was not African American was hired to work at an African American magazine. As Davis stated, it would be different if the magazine was intended for all races, but it was specifically created to cater to black women. Essence was an idea that developed at a conference for black entrepreneurs by a group of prominent black men (haha) including noted photographer Gordon Parks, who noticed the lack of a magazine for African American women. Debuting in 1970 with the picture of a black model with an afro gracing its cover, it promised to be "the premiere lifestyle, fashion and beauty magazine for African-American women."



(That of course is not the original cover -_____-)

While Davis made a great argument, I appreciated Roland Martin's counterargument on the lack of opportunities in the magazine industry as whole and had the tables been reversed, it would be an even bigger outrage if a black person was denied the opportunity to work at a predominantly white magazine.

Now which side of the argument did I choose to take? That, I'm still thinking about. I've watched the video three times already to see if I missed anything which...I...didn't, but the point is, I'm trying to look at the issue in a non-biased way seeing that I have the tendency to be "pro-black" on certain subjects.

What do you think?

I'm On the Pursuit of Happiness, and I Know...

Short Term Goals:

1. Find a work study job (even though I have two jobs already)
2. Pay off all my debts with that HOT refund check
3. Go to NY with my frat, and ATL with Millie
4. Successfully transfer into the Zeta Nu Zeta graduate chapter
5. Purchase Street Fighter vs. Tekken video game
6. Buy furniture for my ONE-bedroom apartment (#pow)
7. Go to the Em and Jay concert
8. Learn a new dish to cook every week
9. Read four books before the summer ends
10. Stay in the house one weekend and do absolutely nothing but sleep.


Long Term Goals:

1. Build a stronger relationship with God
2. Finish weeding out the unnecessary friends/acquaintances in my life, and tie up loose ends
3. Get my hair to be both healthier and longer
4. Obtain my Masters and graduate cum laude
5. Travel to Rome and/or Madrid
6. But first get over my fear of planes
7. Marry (I guess...)
8. Live in Chicago for a few years
9. Become THEE best urban planner and re-design my old neighborhood
10. Don't worry, be happy

Be In The Position To Make Me Feel So....

I believe that I've found the perfect balance between self-esteem and confidence. It's not too little where I constantly seek out my imperfections, but it's not too much where I am vain and narcissistic. I'm at a point where I accept who I am, flaws and all, and I'm proud of myself for FINALLY getting to this point. It's been a journey. To be accepted by others, but to never really accept myself.

I was never the girl to be picked on in school. For the most part, I was always hung with the "popular" kids and kept a close-knit group of friends. I noticed at a young age however, that I began to compare myself to other girls. Jessica had a perm, so I wanted one too. Nicole was going through "changes," what the hell was wrong with my body? Taylor had 100 Barbie Dolls, so I wanted 150. As if it wasn't bad enough I was comparing myself physically, and I was slowly becoming materialistic which was only compounded in middle school. I joined a group of friends who wore all of the popular name brands at the time- Guess, Coogi, DKNY, Coach, etc. Their parents lived in expensive neighborhoods, and/or worked at Fortune 500 companies. I was just a girl from a hardworking, blue-collar family on the westside of Detroit. So....I became obsessed. I HAD to shop in Hudson's (now Macy's), I HAD to wear only designer clothing, I HAD to look like them. Not because they wanted me too, but because I chose to. In the end, I still wasn't happy. I never was satisfied. I never had enough, and selfishly, I put my parents through the ordeal because they were ones who gave me the money to live a lifestyle that was beyond our means.



Luckily I enrolled in a high school that required uniform, so the clothing obsession went out the window. Consequently, a lot of things went out the window because my family got hit hard financially. My new obsession was to do any and everything to get into the top school in Michigan, earn my degree, get a high-paying job, and help my family.




I came into college still in an awkward stage, but this time, I did not change who I was to blend in. And in the end, it worked. I found an AMAZING group of friends. Ones who loved me for who I am....caterpillar eyebrows, K-Swiss, and all (inside joke.)





At 23, I feel GREAT. Do I still look in the mirror and see my imperfectios? Yes, I'm human and who's perfect? But I'm happy with the woman that I turned out to be. I'm still growing, and I'm still finding out new things about myself. I noticed a change in my taste, the way I walk, the way I dress, the way I think- and I love it. Yup.


Let me go before I climb on my desk and start singing "I'm Every Woman" at work.

Keep Ya Heart Three Stacks

Lately, I've come to realize that when it comes to men, I can really be, let's see..........cold-hearted. It wasn't always like that mind you. As a matter of fact, it's a change that transpired earlier this year due to two people, both of which I aspired to be in relationships with. One, however, hurt me more than the other. It's never fair to lead someone into believing that there is hope for relationship by using empty promises, or that same tired line- "Right now, I'm just tryna work on myself." That's cool. But to verbally express to someone that you have plans on building a future with them and turn around to do "what he did" baffles me. The kicker is, when things didn't work out with the other woman, he decides to try his damnedest to woo me back. In addition, his excuse was "I found myself in love with two women at the same time. I had to let one of you go. But now, I see that I messed up. I love you. Gimme a chance?"

My response: "Praise Jay-sus, you had an epiphany! Welcome home boo!"


ACTUALLY, due to the fact that this is a public blog, I'll spare you what my real response was. All I can say is that it sickened me. Literally. I got off the phone feeling as if I'd caught the bubonic plague or something. I'm never one to be caught up in emotion. For the most part, I pride myself in being able to tell someone if I'm feeling them or not. For majority of my college career, I put relationships on the back burner because I didn't want to be distracted. Men come and go. No need to get starry-eyed over an attractive man, or blush whenever a guy throws me a compliment. Therefore, when situations like this come up, it has a pretty big effect on me. It takes a lot, and I do mean A LOT, for me to let my shield down, open my heart and mind, and allow myself to trust someone. When all is betrayed, I'm caught off guard. I don't know how to handle the emotions and so in a way, I take it out on others. Others being men.

Save me the lecture however. I already know the whole "You can't let one person mess it up for everyone else." I know that. I completely understand that. But until I figure it out, three stacks homie.

That's Just The Way It Is

I spoke with my mom yesterday, and she asked what was going on in my life. I covered the usual topics- work, my preparations for grad school, the friends moving to other states, MEN, and financial difficulties. As I was speaking to her, I literally had an epiphany on the phone. Before, I had this idea that since I resigned to stay in Ann Arbor for an additional two years, there was nothing changing in my life. That it was still the same ol' routine- work, sleep, and play (sometimes.) Yet, as I reflected on the things that I was saying to her, I realized that for the first time in 23 years, I felt like an adult. Unlike other young adults, I was never one to say to my parents, family, or friends at that, that I was "grown" when I reached 18. The word "grown" encompasses many things including financial independence, living on your own, and in general, supporting yourself. In addition, it goes beyond the material possessions. It is getting into the mindset that you're at a stage in life where things around you change, people change, and it's a matter of learning how to adapt to those changes.

We're human and it's human nature to complain about things. I am THEE most guilty of that. But in the conversation with my mom, I found myself on the verge of sounding like a "pity party." "Grad school is gonna be so hard." It's grad school, what do you expect Christina? "I'm having money problems right now." What adult doesn't? "Man, I'll be sad once my friends move..." OR, you could be happy that they're embarking on journey to start a new life in a place with better opportunities.

Those responses of course were not from my mother, but me to myself. My mom, being the caring person that she is, simply listened to my complaints, before offering a valuable piece of advice: " You're getting older Chrissy. There are things that come with age and there are people who are in your life only for a season. Don't look at change as bad thing, but view it as new beginning." So with that being said, I will slowly learn how to embrace change. Adapting has never been a problem, but accepting new situations has.

No worries. I'm forever in the process of bettering myself. What's the one saying? oh yeah "The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement."

And woo chil' lemme tell ya, my room is BIG.

You Just Keep on Pushing My Love Over the Borderline

I definitely should have been an 80s baby. No, not like born in the 80s (clearly, I was born in '87) but I should have been a teenager during the time period. I LOVE everything about the era- the clothes, the toys, the television shows, and most importantly, THE MUSIC. It never fails. The first thing that I do when I wake up: turn the t.v. on and change to the 80s music channel so I can get dressed. The other day, I heard Madonna's "Borderline" and I completely forgot how much I liked the song. Today at work, I'm pretty sure I played it a good 12 times.



Madonna was definitely the epitome of what an "80s girl" was back then. Crazy hair, thick eyebrows, flashy, wore tons of accessories, etc. Of course, I would argue that Cyndi Lauper was THEE 80s girl, but some would beg to differ. Eh, who cares.

While rotating through the playlist, I came across Tears for Fears, a duo who were famous for hits such as "Shout" and "Head Over Heels." They're not my favorite group from the period, but they're definitely one of the best. Sad that they broke up. The lead singer had an amazing voice.



If I had to choose however, I would have to say that Duran Duran is my favorite band from the 80s. Hands down. "The Reflex," "Hungry Like the Wolf," "Union of the Snake," "Wild Boys"- how could you NOT like a Duran Duran song?? My sister Cathy (who was a teenager during the height of 80s music) introduced me to them when I was a young girl. She actually introduced me to various styles of music including AC/DC, Def Leppard, INXS, Dr. Dre, Depeche Mode, Tupac, and Guns 'n Roses just to name a few. To her, she may have just been listening to music during one of the many days when she was (forced) to babysit Joyce and I, but little did she know, she would instill in me a love for different music genres that I would not have been exposed to growing up the neighborhood that I did. Thanks Cat :-)

Randomness

Random thought of the day: While I am completely comfortable with my intelligence, it always makes me feel uncomfortable when someone says "You're so smart" or "You're such an intelligent young woman." It's even worse when someone equates the fact that I have my Bachelors and will soon have my Masters (#pow) from the esteemed University of Michigan, that I must be some kind of egghead that spends most of their time doing work and hiding in books (well...)


I won't lie. I have this thirst for knowledge that will never be quench. As a matter of fact, I made it a point to learn a new fact everyday. Today's fact: "an eyelash lives 150-200 days until they fall off." May not be a great fact, but it's a fact nonetheless!

And the Beat Goes on...

FINALLY getting to update my blog. Of course I would love to do it more often but seeing that my raggedy Acer has finally kicked the bucket, I don't have access to a computer. Yeaaa....

Just got back from spending the 4th with my family. It was very, er, bittersweet. Yes, I was happy to be with them. My mom and I tried new recipes, went out with my cousin Saturday night, and to my aunt's Sunday for a cookout. Yet, I still felt as if something was missing- Detroit. I realized that with the exception of trips to Mississippi or Chicago on the 4th, I've always spent the holiday in Detroit. We'd have plenty of food, drinks, and it would be no need to purchase fireworks since everyone on the block had enough (illegal) fireworks to make the Target fireworks look like a joke. I miss home soooo much. It's weird because the whole scenario behind WHY we left Detroit pains me, and I believe I've never actually dealt with the pain. As I was telling my cousin Millie yesterday, it hasn't registered in my mind that we left Coyle. In my mind, I'm just away at college, Coyle is still there, and I just haven't been home to visit? Sounds crazy I know, but I was born and raised in Detroit. That house has countless memories, some of which bring a tear to my eye when I think of it. But change is supposed to be good right? Everyone LOVES change. Yeah. Save that ish for the birds.

On a different note, I've started writing poetry again. It’s a little known talent that I have that I don't always like sharing with others. When I was younger, I used to win awards for my poetry. Now, I'm more hesitant to share my thoughts and feelings (eh, aside from blogging) with others. Seeing that I have grown emotionally, spiritually, mentally and have went through some trying experiences, my poems cover material that may be shocking to others. Maybe not shocking, but it would have them look at me in a different light. “Wait, why’d you write that?” “Yep I told you so..” “OMG, why didn’t you tell me?!” Then I would to go through the trouble of explaining why I wrote what I wrote, and what happened, blah, blah, blah. I would like to think that sometimes, an “artist” cannot explain their thought process. Therefore, they are private. However, I gave you sample of the last line of my recent poem with the title of this blog. :-)

Before I go, I would like to point out that I'm dealing with a lot of emotions right now, anxious and confused being the top two. But I'll just sit back and see how things work. I’m ready.