Men, men, annnnnnnd more men.
Men continue to be the subject of conversation with friends these days. While most of the convos are very entertaining and filled with a lot of “mmhmgurlyeahs,” I often find myself playing devil’s advocate for black men. If you read my blog before, you know how much I despise stereotypes, so I am quick to squash any comments that sound of the sort. Just as there are many stereotypes of black women, the same lies for black men. The list goes on, but let’s touch on a few that leave me with le blank face. I’m sure some topics will spark the “But what if…” questions and if it does, that’s great! Please feel free to discuss it in your own blog. ☺ Okay ready? Prepared to have your mind-
Myth #1: Black men are emotionless beings.
Men are not robots. The very ones that walk around yelling “I don’t give a f***!” are probably locked in Marvin’s Room now with a box of Puffs. Men do not wear their heart on their sleeves. Women, on the other hand, tend to be openly expressive about our thoughts and emotions and sometimes we expect the same from a man. “You made me mad when you did abc…” or “I feel this way when you do xyz…” Don’t ever stop to think that he doesn’t have something brewing in the back of his mind just because he doesn't say anything. Most of it is never said because a) he is trying to avoid an argument or b) he doesn’t think it is important enough to bring up (and a lot of the times it is the latter.) And yes, we as women need to be reminded that our significant other cares, however, we shouldn’t intentionally do things to garner some kind of reaction. Don’t post Keyshia Cole lyrics on Facebook hoping that it will evoke the same emotion in him that it did for you. Don’t walk up to your man and say “Forget you! Forget us! I’m leaving!” and expect him to fall to the floor on his knees and cry “Please, babybaby please.” Yes, in some cases the man is truly apathetic or (flat out clueless), but there are men that, though truly affected by a given situation, will not respond in the way you want.
As for the OVERLY emotional men, that is a whole ‘nother blog.
Myth #2: All black men are cheaters.
Some call it optimism, other naivety. Call it what you want, but I am not quick to label all men as cheaters. If you are, well….a toast to you and your future endeavors. You can’t have healthy dating life or relationship if you have branded every man that walked into the picture. No, you can’t predict someone’s actions. Even the “perfect guy” might slip up. Conversely, you can’t go after men that you know aren’t good for you. Men that you know aren’t emotionally ready or even seeking relationships. Let’s NOT get started on women that started as side chicks, rose to be the main chick, and are now suspicious as hell.
I have talked to some really great men but also dated the scum of the earth. I realized that many of my trust issues have developed from talking to those men, but instead of looking at my poor decisions, I projected my disdain towards all men, maybe even trampling over some really good men in the process. I’ve come a long way and that’s because I stopped having bitter and unhappy people give me relationship advice and started looking at men and dating in general from an optimistic perspective. The least/most you can do is pray and have faith. Suspicion can lead people to do some ugly and absurd things, so if you are that untrustworthy of men you have several options: 1) Become the female Don Juan and never get emotionally attached to any man, at a cost. 2) Enter a relationship and resume the role of Inspector Gadget for the duration of the courtship, or 3) visit your local pet store and purchase a multitude of cats. A minimum of 10.
Myth #3: Black men are lazy and complacent, and therefore want nothing out of life.
I love when women have standards in who they befriend or date. You should always want to surround yourself with the best of the best. But…. don’t expect Prince Hakeem to bust through the front door and sweep you off your feet. There’s a difference between settling and being outright ridiculous. I’m not saying to go out and cuff the next McDonald’s worker on Joy Rd. and Southfield (nothing wrong with working at Mickey D’s!), however, just because a man is in a certain position when you meet him, doesn't mean he isn't working towards something greater. Society has crafted this ideal image of what defines a man and most men face a lot of pressure trying to live up to those standards. I have played listening ear to many of these frustrations ranging from marriage to career goals. What I found is that because men can be prideful (or simply not willing to share personal problems), they will not divulge the ongoing battle with themselves because they are not where they want to be in life. It doesn't help when there are women constantly looking for a six-figure, Benz-driving, Idris Elba look-a-like (oh Lord Jesus, it’s a fahr.) But, if a man does not have that, it does not make him any less of a man. The issue lies in dating someone who lacks ambition, a plan, and the discipline needed to put the plan into action. He should want more out of life, just as you.
There you have it folks. Keep in mind this list barely scratches the surface, but at the end of the day, 'tis all shenanigans. People will continue to think how they want to think. I just hope this opened the mind of some of my female readers. Not sure if I have any male readers though, because you know men act like it pains them to read a simple...
Just kidding folks! Juuuust kidding.
No comments:
Post a Comment