As much as I listen to my conscience, I don't listen to it enough. It could be jumping up and down with a large and loud warning sign, but I wouldn't bat an eyelash. I wonder is it embedded in the psych of man to ignore a gift so important. To allow something to happen, or continue to happen, paying no heed to the little voice in your ear saying "Think about it."
To say I'm at my worst would be an overstatement. On the other hand, I don't know how I went from traveling the country one minute, to enjoying valuable time with my parents and family, to receiving an email telling me I'm longer needed at my job. To make matters worse, I told a special friend that I needed to take time from them because, as opposed to listening that good ol' conscience of mine, I allowed myself to develop feelings for that person when I knew that's not what they wanted. I spent a good portion of last night crying on the couch and an even bigger portion of this morning crying on the floor. Both situations were not the end of the world, but they still hurt. And seeing that I often refuse to show feelings, I cried. And I cried long and hard.
In writing this blog, I'm sure I'll have friends worried about me and whatever I'm going through. I want them to know that it's no worries on my end. I just want to take a few days to myself--free of texts, bbms, facebook, and Twitter-- to regroup. I don't believe in crumbling under pressure. I believe in devising a game plan as to what I should do now, and what I should next.....but first I gotta take care of these puffy eyes.
"In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced, nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed."
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