As much as I listen to my conscience, I don't listen to it enough. It could be jumping up and down with a large and loud warning sign, but I wouldn't bat an eyelash. I wonder is it embedded in the psych of man to ignore a gift so important. To allow something to happen, or continue to happen, paying no heed to the little voice in your ear saying "Think about it."
To say I'm at my worst would be an overstatement. On the other hand, I don't know how I went from traveling the country one minute, to enjoying valuable time with my parents and family, to receiving an email telling me I'm longer needed at my job. To make matters worse, I told a special friend that I needed to take time from them because, as opposed to listening that good ol' conscience of mine, I allowed myself to develop feelings for that person when I knew that's not what they wanted. I spent a good portion of last night crying on the couch and an even bigger portion of this morning crying on the floor. Both situations were not the end of the world, but they still hurt. And seeing that I often refuse to show feelings, I cried. And I cried long and hard.
In writing this blog, I'm sure I'll have friends worried about me and whatever I'm going through. I want them to know that it's no worries on my end. I just want to take a few days to myself--free of texts, bbms, facebook, and Twitter-- to regroup. I don't believe in crumbling under pressure. I believe in devising a game plan as to what I should do now, and what I should next.....but first I gotta take care of these puffy eyes.
"In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced, nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed."
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
ATL Geor-gia, What Do We Do For Ya?
I kid you not, I'm unintentionally banging Ying Yang Twins "Say AI Yi Yi" as I type this blog.
ATL was quite the experience! Unlike the past trips, it was a perfect mixture of fun and sightseeing. Let's not forget I was in the "Black Mecca" for the first time. People remind me that I'm from Detroit, and I was born and raised around black people. However, there's a difference. One, I've been trapped in Ann Arbor for the past 10 months. Sure, I took occasional trips home to visit family in Dearborn, but for goodness sakes, it's DEARBORN. Ann Arbor, in general, is lacking black people. I'm one of four African Americans in my program, and while I can't speak for the undergraduate population, I can say that this year, it's the first time I realized that I went to a predominantly white school (I miss mis amigos. :-( ). Moreover, we're talking about a city who has the "movers and the shakers." It was an entirely different caliber of black people. Did it have poverty and blight? YES. Did it have its ghettos? YES. But it also had a large population of affluent African Americans who were educated in HBCU's, and now excelling in the industry of their choice. One woman, for instance, was an optometrist. A doctor before the age of 30.
Back to the lecture at hand- I rode with my classmate, Raquel, to ATL in order to keep her company on the road. It was a pretty smooth drive, and we didn't encounter much trouble or traffic. The first night out, we went to a place called Mood Lounge for a friend's birthday. It was a nice, chill spot. Not too crowded and good music. It was nice to be able to go out and see how they partied in Atlanta. They didn't know things like the 'Cat Daddy' or the "Bad Girl', but they LOVED to 'Wobble Wobble.' -___- The next day, we went to the Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc., Tau Chapter picnic. Umm, to describe it? Well....it was like being a piece of a thick, juicy T-Bone steak in a lions den. No lie, I could not take two steps without some random Que pulling me to the side. Most of them were aghast that I was Zeta. Below are some of the comments told to me:
Que #1: "Tell me baby, how did they [Zeta] get you?"
Que #23: "Did you know this weekend is Freaknik?"
Me: "Is it really?"
Que #23: "No. But we can make it that."
Que #6 "Gurl, you got some pretty lips. And pretty teeth too! Is yo daddy a dentist??"
Que #30: "Oh your name is Chris-ti-na?
Me: "Yess...."
Que #30: "Well you know what they say about people with three syllables in their name..."
I won't finish the last comment due to finer womanhood, but you get the gist. It was slight system overload, but fun nonetheless! That night, we went to a graduate chapter Kappa party, and that was an upscale, classy event. I was sweltering, but received some compliments on my dress (kept it classy). Again, I mention these two events in detail because though they were the extreme opposites, they still had college-educated African Americans who were leaders in their community, and established teachers, lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs, etc. Just beautiful.
Sunday, we went to the Ray of Hope church with the wonderful Reverend Cynthia Hale, and had Gladys Knight's Chicken and Waffles afterward (insert heavenly chimes). That night, Raquel, her fiance Calleb, and I sat on the couch and watched CNN announce the death of Osama Bin Laden. We'll end this paragraph now because the circumstances surrounding Bin Laden's death will be discussed in another blog. Maybe two.
My last day in Atlanta had more of the historical aspect. After eating breakfast in the Auburn neighborhood, I FINALLY got to go to Dr. Martin Luther King's church and burial site. After the trips to Boston, Miami, Philly, etc., I was elated that I actually visited places relevant to African American history.
WHOA.
That's NOT to say the other places lacked things relevant to black folk. Philly alone has too many to name. Unfortunately, I never got to visit those places. I DID get to go to the Ebenezer Baptist Church, MLK home's, Spelman, Morehouse, Clark, Sweet Auburn, etc. So even if I could never travel to Atlanta again, I know that I got to see landmarks and historical places that are integral parts of Black history. I may not have seen everything, but my soul is satisfied with what I did see (and yes, I did mean for it to sound that dramatic).
Who knows when I'll make my grand return to ATL? It may be June for the Greek picnic. Maybe August for Raquel's wedding. I do know that I'll be back, and this time, I plan on partying with--you guessed it--- drag queens.
Atlanta, Georgia- You get: TWO THUMBS UP
ATL was quite the experience! Unlike the past trips, it was a perfect mixture of fun and sightseeing. Let's not forget I was in the "Black Mecca" for the first time. People remind me that I'm from Detroit, and I was born and raised around black people. However, there's a difference. One, I've been trapped in Ann Arbor for the past 10 months. Sure, I took occasional trips home to visit family in Dearborn, but for goodness sakes, it's DEARBORN. Ann Arbor, in general, is lacking black people. I'm one of four African Americans in my program, and while I can't speak for the undergraduate population, I can say that this year, it's the first time I realized that I went to a predominantly white school (I miss mis amigos. :-( ). Moreover, we're talking about a city who has the "movers and the shakers." It was an entirely different caliber of black people. Did it have poverty and blight? YES. Did it have its ghettos? YES. But it also had a large population of affluent African Americans who were educated in HBCU's, and now excelling in the industry of their choice. One woman, for instance, was an optometrist. A doctor before the age of 30.
Back to the lecture at hand- I rode with my classmate, Raquel, to ATL in order to keep her company on the road. It was a pretty smooth drive, and we didn't encounter much trouble or traffic. The first night out, we went to a place called Mood Lounge for a friend's birthday. It was a nice, chill spot. Not too crowded and good music. It was nice to be able to go out and see how they partied in Atlanta. They didn't know things like the 'Cat Daddy' or the "Bad Girl', but they LOVED to 'Wobble Wobble.' -___- The next day, we went to the Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc., Tau Chapter picnic. Umm, to describe it? Well....it was like being a piece of a thick, juicy T-Bone steak in a lions den. No lie, I could not take two steps without some random Que pulling me to the side. Most of them were aghast that I was Zeta. Below are some of the comments told to me:
Que #1: "Tell me baby, how did they [Zeta] get you?"
Que #23: "Did you know this weekend is Freaknik?"
Me: "Is it really?"
Que #23: "No. But we can make it that."
Que #6 "Gurl, you got some pretty lips. And pretty teeth too! Is yo daddy a dentist??"
Que #30: "Oh your name is Chris-ti-na?
Me: "Yess...."
Que #30: "Well you know what they say about people with three syllables in their name..."
I won't finish the last comment due to finer womanhood, but you get the gist. It was slight system overload, but fun nonetheless! That night, we went to a graduate chapter Kappa party, and that was an upscale, classy event. I was sweltering, but received some compliments on my dress (kept it classy). Again, I mention these two events in detail because though they were the extreme opposites, they still had college-educated African Americans who were leaders in their community, and established teachers, lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs, etc. Just beautiful.
Sunday, we went to the Ray of Hope church with the wonderful Reverend Cynthia Hale, and had Gladys Knight's Chicken and Waffles afterward (insert heavenly chimes). That night, Raquel, her fiance Calleb, and I sat on the couch and watched CNN announce the death of Osama Bin Laden. We'll end this paragraph now because the circumstances surrounding Bin Laden's death will be discussed in another blog. Maybe two.
My last day in Atlanta had more of the historical aspect. After eating breakfast in the Auburn neighborhood, I FINALLY got to go to Dr. Martin Luther King's church and burial site. After the trips to Boston, Miami, Philly, etc., I was elated that I actually visited places relevant to African American history.
WHOA.
That's NOT to say the other places lacked things relevant to black folk. Philly alone has too many to name. Unfortunately, I never got to visit those places. I DID get to go to the Ebenezer Baptist Church, MLK home's, Spelman, Morehouse, Clark, Sweet Auburn, etc. So even if I could never travel to Atlanta again, I know that I got to see landmarks and historical places that are integral parts of Black history. I may not have seen everything, but my soul is satisfied with what I did see (and yes, I did mean for it to sound that dramatic).
Who knows when I'll make my grand return to ATL? It may be June for the Greek picnic. Maybe August for Raquel's wedding. I do know that I'll be back, and this time, I plan on partying with--you guessed it--- drag queens.
Atlanta, Georgia- You get: TWO THUMBS UP
Monday, April 18, 2011
Roam If You Want To...
Globetrotting. And not in Harlem either. (hahaha at the lameness)
The list of cities I've visited continues to get longer. It's perfectly fitting seeing that I AM paying for a degree that's dedicated to cities. -_____- In March, I went to THEE Magic City (no, not the strip club.) MIIIIIIIAAAAMMMIII!!!!!! I landed in West Palm Beach and stayed with my soror Mercedes for a night. The first evening, we met up with another soror and her husband (Naki and Phil of course), and had some finger foods at a bar on South Beach. I didn't get to do too much sightseeing that day, but it didn't matter. I was just ecstatic to see a palm tree again! The next morning, my perZ Theresa arrived and we headed to South Beach to stay with Cedes' friend in her condominium. Can you say b-a-l-l-i-n-g? In any case, whenever Cedes, Theresa, and I get together, it spells trouble. Not even on some "drunk, trashy" ish. We just know how to have fun! Needless to say, it was V.I.P. at every club, tons of sun, shopping, eating, and mingling. Liv was the best club btw. It looked like an actual Miami club (whatever that means) whereas the other places looked like Kingdom or Elysium in Detroit. The men were "eh." They seemed to be the epitome of Miami men. The white men were overtanned, TOO buff, and seemed to walk around in a permanent G.I. Joe stance. The black men, well....they reminded of Detroit men. The only difference is the Pistons jersey was switched with a Heat jersey. And for Miami to be this place swarming with gorgeous women, they were "eh" too. No wait, the Dominican women were beautiful whereas the white women looked like collagen stuffed blow-up dolls. Yeah, I B.M.F'd in Miami (we finally see eye-to-eye Ross) but I've officially marked it as one of the best vacations ever. Side, sidenote- the Miami decor is just as tacky as it is in the movies. I mean, pastel pink and green (#vomit) buildings? Mannequins with double-E cups? Flamingos? I LOVED IT. *insert "Push It To The Limit* song here*
Just two weeks ago, I returned from the American Planning Conference in Boston, MA. Boston is a beautiful, historic city with lots of sightseeing and great food (did I mention no sales tax on clothing?????) I want to say I liked it more than Philly, BUT I have to cut Philly some slack. I went to Philly during the 40 days and 40 nights of rain, and it literally rained on my parade the whole time. Anyway, it was good to see a lot of the sites such as the Robert Gould Shaw monument, Ben Franklin and Paul Revere's grave, and, my personal fav, the first integrated church in America. It was also cool to go through Harvard and MIT's campus and see the college town of an Ivy League. Not to mention I visited my dear sandS Blake, and my AP who helped me get to Boston in the first place.
Now, I have to start planning for my upcoming A-T-L trip in 3 days! I have not washed clothes or packed. NOR am I completely done with school (take home stats final= #2012fail) but I'm close to being homefree. In three weeks, I'll be taking yet another trip and this time to Memphis because my school gave me a $1,500 grant to attend the Planners Network Conference at the University of Memphis. I can't wait to go and interact with planning students, planners, activists, and other planning professionals. Look out for that blog in the future.
Ta-ta. I'm going to attempt this stats homework seeing that my stats tutor is ignoring me right now. SMH....
The list of cities I've visited continues to get longer. It's perfectly fitting seeing that I AM paying for a degree that's dedicated to cities. -_____- In March, I went to THEE Magic City (no, not the strip club.) MIIIIIIIAAAAMMMIII!!!!!! I landed in West Palm Beach and stayed with my soror Mercedes for a night. The first evening, we met up with another soror and her husband (Naki and Phil of course), and had some finger foods at a bar on South Beach. I didn't get to do too much sightseeing that day, but it didn't matter. I was just ecstatic to see a palm tree again! The next morning, my perZ Theresa arrived and we headed to South Beach to stay with Cedes' friend in her condominium. Can you say b-a-l-l-i-n-g? In any case, whenever Cedes, Theresa, and I get together, it spells trouble. Not even on some "drunk, trashy" ish. We just know how to have fun! Needless to say, it was V.I.P. at every club, tons of sun, shopping, eating, and mingling. Liv was the best club btw. It looked like an actual Miami club (whatever that means) whereas the other places looked like Kingdom or Elysium in Detroit. The men were "eh." They seemed to be the epitome of Miami men. The white men were overtanned, TOO buff, and seemed to walk around in a permanent G.I. Joe stance. The black men, well....they reminded of Detroit men. The only difference is the Pistons jersey was switched with a Heat jersey. And for Miami to be this place swarming with gorgeous women, they were "eh" too. No wait, the Dominican women were beautiful whereas the white women looked like collagen stuffed blow-up dolls. Yeah, I B.M.F'd in Miami (we finally see eye-to-eye Ross) but I've officially marked it as one of the best vacations ever. Side, sidenote- the Miami decor is just as tacky as it is in the movies. I mean, pastel pink and green (#vomit) buildings? Mannequins with double-E cups? Flamingos? I LOVED IT. *insert "Push It To The Limit* song here*
Just two weeks ago, I returned from the American Planning Conference in Boston, MA. Boston is a beautiful, historic city with lots of sightseeing and great food (did I mention no sales tax on clothing?????) I want to say I liked it more than Philly, BUT I have to cut Philly some slack. I went to Philly during the 40 days and 40 nights of rain, and it literally rained on my parade the whole time. Anyway, it was good to see a lot of the sites such as the Robert Gould Shaw monument, Ben Franklin and Paul Revere's grave, and, my personal fav, the first integrated church in America. It was also cool to go through Harvard and MIT's campus and see the college town of an Ivy League. Not to mention I visited my dear sandS Blake, and my AP who helped me get to Boston in the first place.
Now, I have to start planning for my upcoming A-T-L trip in 3 days! I have not washed clothes or packed. NOR am I completely done with school (take home stats final= #2012fail) but I'm close to being homefree. In three weeks, I'll be taking yet another trip and this time to Memphis because my school gave me a $1,500 grant to attend the Planners Network Conference at the University of Memphis. I can't wait to go and interact with planning students, planners, activists, and other planning professionals. Look out for that blog in the future.
Ta-ta. I'm going to attempt this stats homework seeing that my stats tutor is ignoring me right now. SMH....
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Let The Music Play
How often have you heard people use the phrase "I love music" or "Music is my life?" What about the ones who try and prove that their enthusiasm for music is stronger than yours?
The sad thing is that most of the time those people limit themselves to one genre, aren't able to distinguish remakes from original tracks, or only know of an artist's popular song from the radio without taking the time to listen to an album in its entirety. Artists don't spend time and money on an album for people to listen to one hit song. Get with the program.
In reality, I believe I know three people that love and appreciate music as much as I do. While being a "music lover" is hard to define because everyone has their own opinion of what that is, I used both my thoughts and observations of the three people to create a criteria of what a true "music lover" is:
1. Appreciation for a number of genres- I love hip-hop, 80s music, and oldies (I would kill in Motown trivia.) But the fact of the matter is that I have such eclectic taste in music, I used to be embarrassed to let people see what was on my mp3 player. For instance, when I turned on my iTunes and just let it shuffle through the artists, it goes from the Average White Band, to Jennifer Burton, Def Leppard, Roxette, to The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack. (#yeaIsaidit) And even with my mix, the other music lovers playlists still sharts on mine. However, I will make the argument that the number of songs a person has on their iTunes/mp3 doesn't actually mean anything. I know too many people with 10,000+ songs on their mp3 but either couldn't name the artist/tune of randomly selected songs or only listened to under 30% of the songs on their ipod. So you're just gonna have a 1,000 songs but only listen to 10 of them. Really, my man? Really?
2. Complete this phrase: "A day without music feels like..."- Emptiness. Pointless. Like your life is spiraling into a hole of bleakness and oblivion....well that may be extreme, but you get the point. I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT, go a day without music. It's like a drug that I need to have on a constant basis. At times, it’s a medium that can articulate my thoughts and feelings better than I can. Think about the times when you're sad and you played a song to either pick you up, or drown you in melancholic lyrics and melodies. The songs that make you smile and think of that significant other, or songs that just help you wake up in the morning. I remember when I first bought the ipod mini. Faithfully, I would get up, get dressed, and put my headphones on before I even stepped over threshold of the box that I called a dorm room (shoutout to Amede.) When my ipod broke, it was honestly THEE most depressing event. I couldn't walk around campus seeing music notes and lyrics dazzle my world, but was more conscious of my surroundings and the fact that I had to, dare I say, interact with people. *gasps* Music is an essential part of my diet. I can have it everyday, and what do you know? No calories!
3. Respect for musicians/artists of the past- Don’t talk to me if you don’t know what songs were sampled in “Mo’Money, Mo’ Problems,” Juelz “Oh Yes,” or which artists sampled Club Nouveau’s “Why You Treat Me So Bad?” Don’t look even look my way if you know the lyrics to “Bootylicious” but stared at the guitar-playing white woman in the video like “Who the hell is that?’ AND PLEASE DE-FRIEND ME if you like T-Pain or vibed to "808's and Heartbreaks," but you don't know who Zapp & Roger is. O__o Old music is so refreshing to listen to, and it’s like a detox for the ears. It amazes me how many people are ignorant of artists like Johnny Cash, The Gap Band, Jeffrey Osbourne David Bowie, etc. I’m not saying that you need to know EVERY throwback artist or song sample because that’s impossible. But to be a self-proclaimed music lover, it’s a must to pay homage to those that came before us. And as much as I love them, Tupac and Biggie do not count. -_______-
The moral of this blog is that people need to think twice before they go on the warpath trying to prove their allegiance to music. I’m definitely no expert, but I know frauds when I see them. *looks both ways* It’s all just an opinion in the end. Until then……”Let The Music Play.”
The sad thing is that most of the time those people limit themselves to one genre, aren't able to distinguish remakes from original tracks, or only know of an artist's popular song from the radio without taking the time to listen to an album in its entirety. Artists don't spend time and money on an album for people to listen to one hit song. Get with the program.
In reality, I believe I know three people that love and appreciate music as much as I do. While being a "music lover" is hard to define because everyone has their own opinion of what that is, I used both my thoughts and observations of the three people to create a criteria of what a true "music lover" is:
1. Appreciation for a number of genres- I love hip-hop, 80s music, and oldies (I would kill in Motown trivia.) But the fact of the matter is that I have such eclectic taste in music, I used to be embarrassed to let people see what was on my mp3 player. For instance, when I turned on my iTunes and just let it shuffle through the artists, it goes from the Average White Band, to Jennifer Burton, Def Leppard, Roxette, to The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack. (#yeaIsaidit) And even with my mix, the other music lovers playlists still sharts on mine. However, I will make the argument that the number of songs a person has on their iTunes/mp3 doesn't actually mean anything. I know too many people with 10,000+ songs on their mp3 but either couldn't name the artist/tune of randomly selected songs or only listened to under 30% of the songs on their ipod. So you're just gonna have a 1,000 songs but only listen to 10 of them. Really, my man? Really?
2. Complete this phrase: "A day without music feels like..."- Emptiness. Pointless. Like your life is spiraling into a hole of bleakness and oblivion....well that may be extreme, but you get the point. I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT, go a day without music. It's like a drug that I need to have on a constant basis. At times, it’s a medium that can articulate my thoughts and feelings better than I can. Think about the times when you're sad and you played a song to either pick you up, or drown you in melancholic lyrics and melodies. The songs that make you smile and think of that significant other, or songs that just help you wake up in the morning. I remember when I first bought the ipod mini. Faithfully, I would get up, get dressed, and put my headphones on before I even stepped over threshold of the box that I called a dorm room (shoutout to Amede.) When my ipod broke, it was honestly THEE most depressing event. I couldn't walk around campus seeing music notes and lyrics dazzle my world, but was more conscious of my surroundings and the fact that I had to, dare I say, interact with people. *gasps* Music is an essential part of my diet. I can have it everyday, and what do you know? No calories!
3. Respect for musicians/artists of the past- Don’t talk to me if you don’t know what songs were sampled in “Mo’Money, Mo’ Problems,” Juelz “Oh Yes,” or which artists sampled Club Nouveau’s “Why You Treat Me So Bad?” Don’t look even look my way if you know the lyrics to “Bootylicious” but stared at the guitar-playing white woman in the video like “Who the hell is that?’ AND PLEASE DE-FRIEND ME if you like T-Pain or vibed to "808's and Heartbreaks," but you don't know who Zapp & Roger is. O__o Old music is so refreshing to listen to, and it’s like a detox for the ears. It amazes me how many people are ignorant of artists like Johnny Cash, The Gap Band, Jeffrey Osbourne David Bowie, etc. I’m not saying that you need to know EVERY throwback artist or song sample because that’s impossible. But to be a self-proclaimed music lover, it’s a must to pay homage to those that came before us. And as much as I love them, Tupac and Biggie do not count. -_______-
The moral of this blog is that people need to think twice before they go on the warpath trying to prove their allegiance to music. I’m definitely no expert, but I know frauds when I see them. *looks both ways* It’s all just an opinion in the end. Until then……”Let The Music Play.”
Thursday, February 24, 2011
You Don't Know My Name
I reached the beautiful city of Chicago (once again) and I'm currently relaxing in my friend's apartment. She left her radio playing, but as I am too tired to get up, I'll just sit and enjoy the music as I type.
I don't why this thought randomly crossed my mind, but maybe it's because certain people crossed my mind. The question that I'm having a hard time trying to figure out is why is it that when someone has an interest in you, and you politely turn them down, your interactions with them change? I don't mean in the "it's awkward between us now" aspect because that is bound to happen sometimes, but I mean in the "screw you, our friendship will never be the same" kind of way. It's a saddening situation seeing that there's actual history with some of these people, and once a point in time when I thought I was someone special to them. I'm not naive, so I don't want anyone to think "Well what do you expect Christina? They had they're hopes up, and now they're feelings are hurt." I know. I understand that. I've been there, and in a way, I'm still there now. For me, it's difficult because I've never led anyone on, and whenever I fear I'm crossing that boundary, I get advice from a close male friend on what I can do to rectify the situation. I want to make sure that with my male friendships, I'm not creating the illusion something that's not really there. That's the worst feeling in the world (see last blog.)
I have to admit though, it's not like that in all cases. For instance, I have a friend who has told me of his interest in me plenty of times in the past. I've kindly turn down his offer for dates before, but he has not change and is still willing to hang with me on a strictly platonic level. At least that's what I think.
Whatever. Where the hell is the Thai food I ordered???
I don't why this thought randomly crossed my mind, but maybe it's because certain people crossed my mind. The question that I'm having a hard time trying to figure out is why is it that when someone has an interest in you, and you politely turn them down, your interactions with them change? I don't mean in the "it's awkward between us now" aspect because that is bound to happen sometimes, but I mean in the "screw you, our friendship will never be the same" kind of way. It's a saddening situation seeing that there's actual history with some of these people, and once a point in time when I thought I was someone special to them. I'm not naive, so I don't want anyone to think "Well what do you expect Christina? They had they're hopes up, and now they're feelings are hurt." I know. I understand that. I've been there, and in a way, I'm still there now. For me, it's difficult because I've never led anyone on, and whenever I fear I'm crossing that boundary, I get advice from a close male friend on what I can do to rectify the situation. I want to make sure that with my male friendships, I'm not creating the illusion something that's not really there. That's the worst feeling in the world (see last blog.)
I have to admit though, it's not like that in all cases. For instance, I have a friend who has told me of his interest in me plenty of times in the past. I've kindly turn down his offer for dates before, but he has not change and is still willing to hang with me on a strictly platonic level. At least that's what I think.
Whatever. Where the hell is the Thai food I ordered???
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Every Time I Turn Around...
When it comes to men, I can say that I've met a wide and varied group. I'm only 24 years old, so of course I haven't been on the dating scene that long, but thus far I've encountered the following:
- The Liar
- The Momma's Boy
- The Starstruck Lover
- The Wannabe Rapper
- The Drug Dealer
- The Artist
- The Party Promoter
- The Athlete
- The Greek
- The Minister-in-Training
- The Foreigner
- The Bum
- The Stalker
- The Police Officer
- The Preacher's Kid
- The Gospel Singer
NOW. This is a list of the types I've met dating back to my high school years up until now. They're either men I've dated, talked to on the phone, or barely texted. In most cases, some of these categories overlapped. In any case, as extreme as some of the titles may be, they each played a very significant role in my life. Many have made me cry myself to sleep. Others irritated me beyond belief. Some angered me to the point where I felt a strong disdain blossoming for them in the very depths of my soul. But looking back at those experiences, they taught me what to avoid and what to do should I consider the start of relationship with someone new...
....yet....
I continue to make the same choices. It seems that no matter how picky I am, or how "open-minded" to trying something new, I still fail. Several times in the past 3 years, I've allowed myself to be vulnerable to three men, each VERY different from the other. But they've all disappointed me, and consequently, hurt me. Sadly, the last situation happened only yesterday. It's usually easy for me to be "on to the next one," but the fact of the matter is I poured a lot of emotion and energy into these 3 relationships, and got nothing in return. If I had to fault them, I would say they set it up to be something when it really wasn't. (I touched on one instance in a previous blog) So here's where I come in...
I eagerly fed into their words as if I never heard them before. As if they didn't regurgitate the words of previous men. I'd become the one starry-eyed, needy, and blinded by the possibility that I finally found someone. For me, finding somoene who I view myself compatible with is rare, and so when it happens, I get my hopes up. I'm human, what can I say?
One day, the right person will come along. It's no rush however. I'm just glad I got to the point where, unlike most people, I'm able to take responsibility for my choices and actions. I won't completely discount the fact that my heart was dragged along on a string, nor the fact that these men took advantage of the 110% effort I put into our "relationship." There are worse things happening in life.
But love, man, what a game. What a game.....
- The Liar
- The Momma's Boy
- The Starstruck Lover
- The Wannabe Rapper
- The Drug Dealer
- The Artist
- The Party Promoter
- The Athlete
- The Greek
- The Minister-in-Training
- The Foreigner
- The Bum
- The Stalker
- The Police Officer
- The Preacher's Kid
- The Gospel Singer
NOW. This is a list of the types I've met dating back to my high school years up until now. They're either men I've dated, talked to on the phone, or barely texted. In most cases, some of these categories overlapped. In any case, as extreme as some of the titles may be, they each played a very significant role in my life. Many have made me cry myself to sleep. Others irritated me beyond belief. Some angered me to the point where I felt a strong disdain blossoming for them in the very depths of my soul. But looking back at those experiences, they taught me what to avoid and what to do should I consider the start of relationship with someone new...
....yet....
I continue to make the same choices. It seems that no matter how picky I am, or how "open-minded" to trying something new, I still fail. Several times in the past 3 years, I've allowed myself to be vulnerable to three men, each VERY different from the other. But they've all disappointed me, and consequently, hurt me. Sadly, the last situation happened only yesterday. It's usually easy for me to be "on to the next one," but the fact of the matter is I poured a lot of emotion and energy into these 3 relationships, and got nothing in return. If I had to fault them, I would say they set it up to be something when it really wasn't. (I touched on one instance in a previous blog) So here's where I come in...
I eagerly fed into their words as if I never heard them before. As if they didn't regurgitate the words of previous men. I'd become the one starry-eyed, needy, and blinded by the possibility that I finally found someone. For me, finding somoene who I view myself compatible with is rare, and so when it happens, I get my hopes up. I'm human, what can I say?
One day, the right person will come along. It's no rush however. I'm just glad I got to the point where, unlike most people, I'm able to take responsibility for my choices and actions. I won't completely discount the fact that my heart was dragged along on a string, nor the fact that these men took advantage of the 110% effort I put into our "relationship." There are worse things happening in life.
But love, man, what a game. What a game.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)