Looking at past conversations I've had with male friends, it's interesting to see the different perspectives on what they believe the black woman wants. What's funnier is they're able to determine those needs when they are, in fact, not black women. 0__o
The opposite sex will always have an opinion of the other sex's wants and how they act, and usually these opinions are grounded in personal experience. I pulled the top three myths that I felt were the most controversial and antithetical to all- well let's say many- black women wants when it comes to relationships. So sit back...
Myth #1: Black women cannot date because they always want to get into relationships, and the primary reason they get into relationships is to rush to the altar.
It's quite hilarious to say the word "relationship" to a man and he looks as if he caught a stomach virus mid-conversation. Don't think too highly of yourself. Women will bring up the subject of relationships NOT because they want to be in one with you, but because they want an understanding of your stance on relationships and where you're at now. That way, we won’t put ourselves in the position of dating a guy and developing feelings, just for them to turn around and say "I'm not ready yet." And yes, marriage is a beautiful institution that is highly celebrated in our community. But you won't find "get married and ish" on our daily to-do list. Bringing in other factors into the equation (women who conscientiously choose to be single, women who are career-driven and not family-focused, etc.), you'll find that while we may desire marriage in the future, it's not a "prize" to be won, but a blessing bestowed upon us when it is the RIGHT TIME. If you are dating a woman and the topic of relationships is brought up, do not shy away from it. Be open and honest. It will save the two of you a lot of confusion and/or heartbreak.
Myth #2: Black women demand an unreasonable amount of attention.
Women are emotional creatures. That is no surprise to anyone, and as much as we'd like to deny it, we are. As with anything with emotions, there requires a certain amount of attention. Correct? Okay. Attention does
not require a) spending every waking moment with you, b) texting 12 hours out of the day, and c) talking on the phone for the other 12 hours. I can't define what an "appropriate amount" of attention is when the needs of each woman varies, but some is better than none. If you're dating someone, you shouldn't have to check in on her EVERY day, but does it hurt to call sometime throughout the week? Or at least send a DM that says "hi?" We don’t need care and attention 24/7. We just want to feel as if you still have a genuine interest in our well being and getting to know us, without having to make the first contact all of the time. A little attention goes a long way.
Myth #3: Black women only seek men who have ample amounts of money and can take care of them.
Contrary to popular belief, Kim Kardashian is not the role model of the black women population. Do not take the fact that because a woman wants a man who’s financially sound, she is a gold digger. And the operating phrase is
financially sound. That does not mean it's necessary for him to have a six or seven figure salary, but he should be able to support himself first and foremost, and a family in the future. Furthermore, the amount of educated, black women is growing every day, and we are continuing to blaze trails in different fields and territory. Those upper-level positions that were once out of reach are now obtainable goals, and the support of a man is not always wanted nor needed. It would, however, be nice to find a man that's on the same level whether it's financially, mentally, or spiritually. What good is your money to me if I can't connect with you on any other level?
Here's what may be a revelation to men: it is the
little things that makes a woman happy. The little things include opening the car door, dropping off soup when she's sick, surprising her with favorite candy when you hang out, sending a 'good morning' text to start her day (let me stop- I'm naming all of my favorite things.)
I understand people who structure viewpoints around experience. That's what experience does. It shapes our beliefs and even our outlook on life. But it does not make anyone the Dalai Lama of understanding things such as relationships just because they've encountered ‘type A man one too many times,’ or because they have a plethora of female friends who are the epitome of a needy, money-hungry, marriage-thirsty women. Furthermore, it's impossible to categorize all black women because we were each taught different life lessons. Some are born as princesses and raised as queens, told to never let a man treat her as anything less. Many are groomed to follow the older adage of the "submissive housewife" who caters to her husband's every needs, does the cooking, cleaning, caring of the children, and puts work (if she has a job) second to her family. Then there are the very blunt lessons that rests at opposite ends of the spectrum: the "go for the gold" or the "you can do bad all by yourself" theories.
Regardless, you can never really guess the mentality of a black woman and her expectations when they all differ. We cannot allow past experiences and faulty stereotypes to hinder us from dating or getting into relationships- that goes for both men and women. And with that being said, I would like to invite one of my guy friends to write a similar blog debunking myths about black men because there are a TON of them out there too. My top three are:
1. All black men cheat.
2. All black men aspire to be athletes, rappers, or have any other career where they can get money off of talent and not education and/or hard work.
3. All black men come from broken homes and suffer from "I ain't have no daddy" syndrome.
The list goes on but you get the point. Can't write on it because, alas, I am 100% woman.
I especially invite you to write a response if you see one of your statements the black women myths listed above....still love ya tho!
