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Learning how to accept my blessings.
And even after 27 years of age, it's hard to do. It's no secret that the mind tends to gravitate toward the negative. If I were to bet $1 million that I could go one hour, heck 30 minutes, without one negative thought, I would lose that bet. And over something stupid. Like "How much taxes will I have to pay on the $1 million? I don't make ish now, but Uncle Sam still managed to take a bite outta my..."
See what I mean?
Think about it. How many of us start off the day with a negative thought? Alarm goes off, we open our eyes, and one of the first things we think is "I don't want to get out of bed." Seems common enough, especially when you're an early riser. But those thoughts lead to other concerns:
"I don't want to go to work..."
"I hate my job..."
"And there are these bills to be paid..."
Okay, that's not to say that this is the trail of thoughts for EVERYONE, but it happens. And unfortunately, it's a bad habit that I am trying to break.
Sometimes I wonder how much my upbringing influenced me. Not to say that I was born and raised around a bunch of sourpusses, but I did grow up around people who tended to lean toward the negative in a given situation as opposed to the positive. Sometimes implanting worrisome thoughts into my head that I never fathomed before. It's not surprising that this baggage carried with me into the future. There are times where I wish I had a "Pause" button installed in my brain so I could halt the landslide of thoughts that happen when I'm facing a situ-
Where does is this all coming from?
In the past few months, I've witnessed family members, friends, even acquaintances, go through some terrible things. Loss of a loved one, illness, limited/no finances, unemployment, the list goes on. And here I am sitting at a job, which albeit I don't care for, complaining about how much I don't like it and how tired I am. I am human. I understand that I am allowed to have my worries. But I need to learn how to look at these worries as temporary nuisances to be resolved in the short term. I'm not trying to draw any comparisons nor use other people's struggles as a means to have my own self-realization, but I had a reality check and realized I desperately need to break free from an "Oh woe is me" mentality that has controlled me for a greater part of my (short) life.
The blessing is I am making baby steps. In moments when I feel like bad thoughts are working to permeate every corridor of my brain, I take a deep breath, and speak the following affirmation: "Things could always be worse." I'm a work in progress and continuing to push for growth. I don't want to look back at life and say I spent my time drowning in complaints and self-degradation. I want to be able to say that tackled minor issues with ease and bigger issues with faith.
My name is Christina and I am not in the job that I want. I'm always tired and desperately wanting more in life. There are time where I question the whole graduate school choice. I once thought it would be means to help uplift both me and my family, but that has been to no avail. Don't really care for Ann Arbor and it doesn't help that my apartment has had issues since I moved in. But it is what it is.
My name is Christina and I am
